Friday, April 30, 2004
The molecule Rad-five-one-dee,
Scientists say holds the key
To cell-death and ageing,
Though I won't be wage-ring
On widespread immor-talli-tee.
Scientists say holds the key
To cell-death and ageing,
Though I won't be wage-ring
On widespread immor-talli-tee.
// posted by Jarmo @ 4:16 AM 
Thursday, April 29, 2004
A general went on TV
To say he was truly sorry
That mercenary lackeys
Had tortured Iraqis,
"But, honest guv, it wasn't me!"
To say he was truly sorry
That mercenary lackeys
Had tortured Iraqis,
"But, honest guv, it wasn't me!"
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:54 PM
Wednesday, April 28, 2004
They say some are too posh to push,
Want birth o'er and done in a whoosh,
But is a c-section
And risk of infection
As bad as a bucket-sized bush?
Want birth o'er and done in a whoosh,
But is a c-section
And risk of infection
As bad as a bucket-sized bush?
// posted by Jarmo @ 9:43 PM
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
Some diplomats savaged en masse
Blair's Mid East policy gaffes:
He shuns their advice,
Playing dangerous dice,
While keeping his arguments crass.
Blair's Mid East policy gaffes:
He shuns their advice,
Playing dangerous dice,
While keeping his arguments crass.
// posted by Jarmo @ 3:30 AM
Monday, April 26, 2004
A sheikh with a hook for a hand
Says he's been blamelessly panned,
But do we excuse
His pro-terror views
Or should he from Britain be banned?
Says he's been blamelessly panned,
But do we excuse
His pro-terror views
Or should he from Britain be banned?
// posted by Jarmo @ 1:07 PM
Blunkett's ID card idea
Provokes in some folks certain fear
Of curbs on our freedom;
Perhaps we should heed 'em —
To follow the blind could cost dear.
Provokes in some folks certain fear
Of curbs on our freedom;
Perhaps we should heed 'em —
To follow the blind could cost dear.
// posted by Jarmo @ 10:14 AM
Friday, April 23, 2004
North Korea's rail blast blight
Fills us with fret for their plight...
But that's what transpires
When live trailing wires
Meet shoddily-stored dynamite.
Fills us with fret for their plight...
But that's what transpires
When live trailing wires
Meet shoddily-stored dynamite.
// posted by Jarmo @ 3:01 PM
Big Ron's real TV mistake
Was to talk like a coach in a break,
But signings he's made show
(As one coach might say so):
'Words do a racist not make.'
Was to talk like a coach in a break,
But signings he's made show
(As one coach might say so):
'Words do a racist not make.'
// posted by Jarmo @ 1:07 PM
Thursday, April 22, 2004
In Basra the bombers are rife,
Their suicides spreading more strife,
But where is the saviour
Who'll curb sick behaviour
And spark faith in civilised life?
Their suicides spreading more strife,
But where is the saviour
Who'll curb sick behaviour
And spark faith in civilised life?
// posted by Jarmo @ 1:40 AM
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
Norris McWhirter is dead,
The man on the radio said.
Was he the oldest?
His stiff corpse the coldest?
No, but he'd quite a big head.
The man on the radio said.
Was he the oldest?
His stiff corpse the coldest?
No, but he'd quite a big head.
// posted by Jarmo @ 12:22 AM
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
The beef-eating boss of McD's
Fell victim to blocked arteries...
The last call he barked,
As they defibbed his heart,
Was: "Hold the large shake with that, please!"
Fell victim to blocked arteries...
The last call he barked,
As they defibbed his heart,
Was: "Hold the large shake with that, please!"
// posted by Jarmo @ 12:02 AM
Monday, April 19, 2004
Said Tony, "A poll will dictate
"If federal Europe's our fate..."
But fail to say 'yes'
And we'll join the US
As farthest-flung, fifty-first state.
"If federal Europe's our fate..."
But fail to say 'yes'
And we'll join the US
As farthest-flung, fifty-first state.
// posted by Jarmo @ 12:14 PM
Sunday, April 18, 2004
Hunting down heads of Hamas
Will hardly help bring peace to pass;
It's no fluke "assassin"
Twice has the word "ass" in,
For only backsides back such farce.
Will hardly help bring peace to pass;
It's no fluke "assassin"
Twice has the word "ass" in,
For only backsides back such farce.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:34 PM
Friday, April 16, 2004
Whatever comes out of his mush,
We back every move by George Bush...
But would so much crap
Still spill from his trap
If our tongue wasn't jammed up his tush?
We back every move by George Bush...
But would so much crap
Still spill from his trap
If our tongue wasn't jammed up his tush?
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:28 PM
Thursday, April 15, 2004
Her death was untimely, unkind;
From me, though, no flowery rhyme:
'Twas cancer that got 'er –
Shame... she was hotter
Than Val, Shep and Petra combined.
From me, though, no flowery rhyme:
'Twas cancer that got 'er –
Shame... she was hotter
Than Val, Shep and Petra combined.
// posted by Jarmo @ 12:15 AM
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
Now, Mr. Bush, you say Gaza's
A fair deal for people not asked, Sir;
Did the ferment you'd stir
Simply just not occur?
Or are you a warmong'ring farceur?
A fair deal for people not asked, Sir;
Did the ferment you'd stir
Simply just not occur?
Or are you a warmong'ring farceur?
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:19 PM
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
Ha-ha! Let's all have a laff
At George Dubya's latest dumb gaffe:
He's sure he's made goofs!
Well, I'm sure the troops
Are splitting their sides in Najaf.
At George Dubya's latest dumb gaffe:
He's sure he's made goofs!
Well, I'm sure the troops
Are splitting their sides in Najaf.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:59 PM
Monday, April 12, 2004
A woman whose name's pronounced 'loose',
Claims Beckham has dribbled her juice,
But was his away-score
A brief hit to make sure
His balls still remained in good use?
Claims Beckham has dribbled her juice,
But was his away-score
A brief hit to make sure
His balls still remained in good use?
// posted by Jarmo @ 10:11 PM
Friday, April 09, 2004
[to the tune of "Turning Japanese" by The Vapours]
Burning Japanese,
Say they'll be
Burning Japanese
And then the Yanks, oh...
Burning Japanese,
On TV,
Burning Japanese,
'Til foreign tanks go.
Burning Japanese,
Say they'll be
Burning Japanese,
They'll really sink low...
Burning Japanese,
On TV,
Burning Japanese,
These nuts need shrinks so.
Burning Japanese,
Say they'll be
Burning Japanese
And then the Yanks, oh...
Burning Japanese,
On TV,
Burning Japanese,
'Til foreign tanks go.
Burning Japanese,
Say they'll be
Burning Japanese,
They'll really sink low...
Burning Japanese,
On TV,
Burning Japanese,
These nuts need shrinks so.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:09 PM
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
Said Dubya to one Sheikh Al-Sadr:
"Don't go gettin' me any madder;"
"Cut out your darn stunts,"
"'Cos I've bombed y'all once,"
"Now jus' quit 'n' admit I'm the dadda!"
"Don't go gettin' me any madder;"
"Cut out your darn stunts,"
"'Cos I've bombed y'all once,"
"Now jus' quit 'n' admit I'm the dadda!"
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:08 AM
Tuesday, April 06, 2004
The spooks say they've foiled more fanatics
('Mid familiar media dramatics),
But though we're preoccupied
With osmium tetroxide,
Our sweat's (as yet) psychosomatic.
('Mid familiar media dramatics),
But though we're preoccupied
With osmium tetroxide,
Our sweat's (as yet) psychosomatic.
// posted by Jarmo @ 12:58 PM
Monday, April 05, 2004
Brits' stance is that France is pas mal,
But not (as the Queen claims) a pal,
Since Blair has a clear lack
Of time to spare Chirac
And Entente ain't all Cordiale.
But not (as the Queen claims) a pal,
Since Blair has a clear lack
Of time to spare Chirac
And Entente ain't all Cordiale.
// posted by Jarmo @ 2:00 PM
Friday, April 02, 2004
None but Grade could make the grade,
To chair a chided BBC...
But spare the victory parade
Until they've named the new DG.
To chair a chided BBC...
But spare the victory parade
Until they've named the new DG.
// posted by Jarmo @ 1:25 PM
Thursday, April 01, 2004
The minister Beverley Hughes,
Fell foul of a visa claim ruse;
The stiff who slammed Brass Eye
Is out on her arse [sigh!]...
And who says there's never good news?
Fell foul of a visa claim ruse;
The stiff who slammed Brass Eye
Is out on her arse [sigh!]...
And who says there's never good news?
// posted by Jarmo @ 7:28 PM
