Monday, May 31, 2004
M&S boss Mr Rose
Declared, "I'll see this business grows."
But read in between
He meant, "Mr Green,
Back off! I'm the king of the clothes!"
Declared, "I'll see this business grows."
But read in between
He meant, "Mr Green,
Back off! I'm the king of the clothes!"
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:48 PM 
Sunday, May 30, 2004
Hostages held in the kingdom
Were happy for soldiers to spring dem;
The same can't be said
Of the 22 dead...
Then again, what good news could you bring dem?
Were happy for soldiers to spring dem;
The same can't be said
Of the 22 dead...
Then again, what good news could you bring dem?
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:14 PM
Saturday, May 29, 2004
Al Qaeda is killing in Khobar,
Intent on a Saudi coup d'état,
But terrorist lurkers
Won't scare foreign workers
Enticed by a slice of the moolah.
Intent on a Saudi coup d'état,
But terrorist lurkers
Won't scare foreign workers
Enticed by a slice of the moolah.
// posted by Jarmo @ 6:23 PM
Friday, May 28, 2004
Blunkett says rampant child sex
Will stop if we tag paedos' legs;
It seems Orwell's fears
Were out 20 years...
Beware - non-pay parkers are next!
Will stop if we tag paedos' legs;
It seems Orwell's fears
Were out 20 years...
Beware - non-pay parkers are next!
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:57 PM
Thursday, May 27, 2004
They're finally throwing the book
At Hamza - but how come it took
US extradition
When public petition
Has long said, "Abu, sling yer hook"?
At Hamza - but how come it took
US extradition
When public petition
Has long said, "Abu, sling yer hook"?
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:56 PM
Blair's declared obesity
Is killing our kids young as three,
But a single freak case
Doesn't mean the whole race
Should give up fried food for herb tea.
Is killing our kids young as three,
But a single freak case
Doesn't mean the whole race
Should give up fried food for herb tea.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:09 PM
Wednesday, May 26, 2004
Today was an infernal date
For Damien Hirst and his mates,
And for once the Mail's right
When its columns indict:
"Art's in a terrible state."
For Damien Hirst and his mates,
And for once the Mail's right
When its columns indict:
"Art's in a terrible state."
// posted by Jarmo @ 1:12 PM
Tuesday, May 25, 2004
Some come from 1981
Reached the egg post-2001,
But will the poor child
By his peers be reviled
For worshipping Wham like his mum?
Reached the egg post-2001,
But will the poor child
By his peers be reviled
For worshipping Wham like his mum?
// posted by Jarmo @ 3:48 PM
Monday, May 24, 2004
The Gov says there'll be no inquiry
About four cadets' odd expiry;
'Cos the deepest of cuts
That they fear in their guts
Is in votes (with polls close in the diary).
About four cadets' odd expiry;
'Cos the deepest of cuts
That they fear in their guts
Is in votes (with polls close in the diary).
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:27 AM
Sunday, May 23, 2004
Were Charles de Gaulle's builders too rushed
To put in the proper roof struts?
And might this collapse mean
That Paris's Games dream
Lies - like its travellers - crushed?
To put in the proper roof struts?
And might this collapse mean
That Paris's Games dream
Lies - like its travellers - crushed?
// posted by Jarmo @ 8:45 PM
Saturday, May 22, 2004
3-0 might mean Man U rule
But what say the boys from Milwall?
"We ain't too bothered...
The Mancs'll get clobbered
By us in the after-match brawl."
But what say the boys from Milwall?
"We ain't too bothered...
The Mancs'll get clobbered
By us in the after-match brawl."
// posted by Jarmo @ 5:49 PM
Friday, May 21, 2004
Channel 4 main man Mark Thompson
Said he'd not leave "'til the job's done",
But he couldn't forsake
Grade's offer to take
The one job in telly with knobs on.
Said he'd not leave "'til the job's done",
But he couldn't forsake
Grade's offer to take
The one job in telly with knobs on.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:39 PM
Thursday, May 20, 2004
The red RMT head Bob Crow
Demands we pay railmen more dough;
Were his members polite,
Then we might back their strike,
But they're not, so the lot can F- O- !
Demands we pay railmen more dough;
Were his members polite,
Then we might back their strike,
But they're not, so the lot can F- O- !
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:16 PM
Wednesday, May 19, 2004
Most Parliamentary attacks
Don't come in powdery packs,
And though those in power
Brush off purple flour,
Next time it might be anthrax.
Don't come in powdery packs,
And though those in power
Brush off purple flour,
Next time it might be anthrax.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:45 PM
Said big-business wiz Ms Cassani,
"Seb'll head London's bid army;"
"Then when we lose,"
"He'll need running shoes,"
"And none of the come-back can harm me!"
"Seb'll head London's bid army;"
"Then when we lose,"
"He'll need running shoes,"
"And none of the come-back can harm me!"
// posted by Jarmo @ 2:11 PM
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
Two ancient faiths from Hebron
Each thinks the other's all wrong,
But sacred-earth sites
Are both their birthrights...
If only they'd just get along.
Each thinks the other's all wrong,
But sacred-earth sites
Are both their birthrights...
If only they'd just get along.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:21 PM
Monday, May 17, 2004
The interim head of Iraq
Died in a bomb-blast attack,
Then sarin was found
In enemy rounds...
But Blair'll swear peace is "on track"!
Died in a bomb-blast attack,
Then sarin was found
In enemy rounds...
But Blair'll swear peace is "on track"!
// posted by Jarmo @ 4:30 PM
Sunday, May 16, 2004
A gung-ho Defence Sec, Don Rumsfeld,
Didn't care how hired guns dealt
With Arabs in chains,
And the New Yorker claims
He ordered they all got their bums felt.
Didn't care how hired guns dealt
With Arabs in chains,
And the New Yorker claims
He ordered they all got their bums felt.
// posted by Jarmo @ 12:38 PM
Saturday, May 15, 2004
Tony's behind in the polls
And plenty of cabinet moles
Are whispering Gordon
Is best-placed to broaden
The party's appeal to the proles.
And plenty of cabinet moles
Are whispering Gordon
Is best-placed to broaden
The party's appeal to the proles.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:30 PM
Friday, May 14, 2004
Today British soldiers hit back
At Morgan's "unfounded" attack;
And though there's real sleaze,
Seems Blair's enemies
All quit or get given the sack.
At Morgan's "unfounded" attack;
And though there's real sleaze,
Seems Blair's enemies
All quit or get given the sack.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:22 PM
Thursday, May 13, 2004
The Mirror's main man Mr Morgan
Splashed abuse snaps in his organ;
Seems they were fake...
Now that's some mistake!
And Piers, it appears, could be walkin'.
Splashed abuse snaps in his organ;
Seems they were fake...
Now that's some mistake!
And Piers, it appears, could be walkin'.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:58 PM
Wednesday, May 12, 2004
Kilroy is standing to be
A UKIP MEP
But will he, if sent
To the E Parliament,
Squat by his seat on one knee?
A UKIP MEP
But will he, if sent
To the E Parliament,
Squat by his seat on one knee?
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:29 PM
33 kilos of horse
Were seized by a happy police force;
Do they want a medal?
No – simply to peddle,
To bolster their bonus, of course.
Were seized by a happy police force;
Do they want a medal?
No – simply to peddle,
To bolster their bonus, of course.
// posted by Jarmo @ 4:21 PM
Today is the day Mr. Lear
Found fit from the womb to appear,
So some folks now say
It's Limerick Day,
After the man's daft career.
Found fit from the womb to appear,
So some folks now say
It's Limerick Day,
After the man's daft career.
// posted by Jarmo @ 12:01 AM
Tuesday, May 11, 2004
In Iraq, a contractor named Nick
Thought he could make a buck quick,
But he didn't wager
On boys from Al Qaeda
Parading his head on a stick.
Thought he could make a buck quick,
But he didn't wager
On boys from Al Qaeda
Parading his head on a stick.
// posted by Jarmo @ 10:20 PM
Monday, May 10, 2004
Maxine admits she's a conspirer
In benefit fraud - nothing direr;
She won't, though, confess
She covered up deaths
Of Holly and Jess just like Myra.
In benefit fraud - nothing direr;
She won't, though, confess
She covered up deaths
Of Holly and Jess just like Myra.
// posted by Jarmo @ 12:05 PM
Saturday, May 08, 2004
Sheikh Abdul-Sattar al-Bahadli
Says his supporters should gladly
Send our troops to their graves
Or make females their slaves...
Seems he's no worse than us, sadly.
Says his supporters should gladly
Send our troops to their graves
Or make females their slaves...
Seems he's no worse than us, sadly.
// posted by Jarmo @ 5:43 PM
Friday, May 07, 2004
Rummy says he'll take the rap
For troops treating captives like crap,
But no contrite squeal
Could possibly heal
The huge credibility gap.
For troops treating captives like crap,
But no contrite squeal
Could possibly heal
The huge credibility gap.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:49 PM
Thursday, May 06, 2004
A sly supermodel, Naomi,
Exclaimed, "Mr Morgan, you owe me;"
"The judge said no hack"
"Can say I love crack"
(...Just after he'd said to her, "Blow me!")
Exclaimed, "Mr Morgan, you owe me;"
"The judge said no hack"
"Can say I love crack"
(...Just after he'd said to her, "Blow me!")
// posted by Jarmo @ 6:23 PM
Wednesday, May 05, 2004
Appropriately, Dirty Den
Prefers to disperse his semen
While pumping his old man
In costume on webcam...
Let's just hope he's not killed again.
Prefers to disperse his semen
While pumping his old man
In costume on webcam...
Let's just hope he's not killed again.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:22 PM
Tuesday, May 04, 2004
A colonel, with some irritation,
Claims fake pics are fouling our nation:
"Those aren't the right khakis,"
"For kicking Iraqis!"
(Great damage - poor limitation.)
Claims fake pics are fouling our nation:
"Those aren't the right khakis,"
"For kicking Iraqis!"
(Great damage - poor limitation.)
// posted by Jarmo @ 7:49 PM
Today marked the quarter-centenary
Of Maggie's rise to quasi-queenerie;
"Though we're not amused,"
She muttered, confused,
"To find we're now just background scenery."
Of Maggie's rise to quasi-queenerie;
"Though we're not amused,"
She muttered, confused,
"To find we're now just background scenery."
// posted by Jarmo @ 12:45 PM
Monday, May 03, 2004
Howells claims he'll cure what ails
A system that signally fails...
But fixing some trains
Won't halt Labour's pains,
When Tony's the one off the rails.
A system that signally fails...
But fixing some trains
Won't halt Labour's pains,
When Tony's the one off the rails.
// posted by Jarmo @ 3:35 PM
Sunday, May 02, 2004
Torture Iraqis? Tish, tish!
Of course we don't do that - we're Brits;
The military way
Is to call it "horseplay"
When we beat 'em and shower 'em in piss.
Of course we don't do that - we're Brits;
The military way
Is to call it "horseplay"
When we beat 'em and shower 'em in piss.
// posted by Jarmo @ 3:30 AM
Saturday, May 01, 2004
Beckham's been beckoned to Chelski
(Say rumours he's not tried to quellski;)
I guess that Victoria
Said, "You know the score, Dear,"
"I don't want no more kiss-n-tellski!"
(Say rumours he's not tried to quellski;)
I guess that Victoria
Said, "You know the score, Dear,"
"I don't want no more kiss-n-tellski!"
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:26 PM
Is Jacko a teen-semen-spiller?
Asks one off-the-wall courtroom thriller;
"Sure the kid beat it,"
"But I didn't eat it -"
"I used it as face Polyfilla."
Asks one off-the-wall courtroom thriller;
"Sure the kid beat it,"
"But I didn't eat it -"
"I used it as face Polyfilla."
// posted by Jarmo @ 12:32 PM
We welcome our new EU brothers
Like ladies of leisure do lovers;
Now the old reds
Aren't under our beds –
They're firmly tucked under the covers.
Like ladies of leisure do lovers;
Now the old reds
Aren't under our beds –
They're firmly tucked under the covers.
// posted by Jarmo @ 12:05 AM
