Wednesday, June 30, 2004
Not Timmy's year? Yet again!
But it ain't a question of when;
Rather, ask whether
The twazzer'll ever
Play like a man not a hen.
But it ain't a question of when;
Rather, ask whether
The twazzer'll ever
Play like a man not a hen.
// posted by Jarmo @ 4:59 PM 
The Underground men are on strike,
Demanding a bigger pay hike;
But Londoners say,
"You get 38K,
So (like us today) on yer bike!"
Demanding a bigger pay hike;
But Londoners say,
"You get 38K,
So (like us today) on yer bike!"
// posted by Jarmo @ 1:58 AM
Tuesday, June 29, 2004
No one alive still remembers
When Labour last had so few members;
But who could be fond
Of a party that's bombed
Its principles into mere embers?
When Labour last had so few members;
But who could be fond
Of a party that's bombed
Its principles into mere embers?
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:50 PM
Monday, June 28, 2004
The US has handed back power
A full two days 'fore the said hour,
To scupper Al Qaeda's
Suicide raiders...
Well, maybe at least just for now.
A full two days 'fore the said hour,
To scupper Al Qaeda's
Suicide raiders...
Well, maybe at least just for now.
// posted by Jarmo @ 9:08 PM
Sunday, June 27, 2004
Terrorists seeking to spread
Their dastardly doctrine of dread
Have snatched a Marine,
Trained to stay serene...
Though soon he'll be losing his head.
Their dastardly doctrine of dread
Have snatched a Marine,
Trained to stay serene...
Though soon he'll be losing his head.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:33 PM
Saturday, June 26, 2004
Dubya put in a few calls
To stop shots of him in his smalls,
But this blanket ban
Might not go to plan...
They'll soon be online and on walls.
To stop shots of him in his smalls,
But this blanket ban
Might not go to plan...
They'll soon be online and on walls.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:20 PM
Friday, June 25, 2004
Examining board Edexcel
Says cheats'll be paying all hell,
But a high-grade surprise
Might just mean one's revised,
So, really, how can they tell?
Says cheats'll be paying all hell,
But a high-grade surprise
Might just mean one's revised,
So, really, how can they tell?
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:22 PM
Thursday, June 24, 2004
England's been buggered again,
And, yes, we played badly, but then,
There's little doubt Sol
Scored a sure winning goal...
What farce! We were fighting twelve men!
And, yes, we played badly, but then,
There's little doubt Sol
Scored a sure winning goal...
What farce! We were fighting twelve men!
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:50 PM
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
A very rare wild coffee bean
Was found to contain no caffeine,
But p'r'aps it's so scarce
'Cos nobody cares
For cuppas that can't keep 'em keen.
Was found to contain no caffeine,
But p'r'aps it's so scarce
'Cos nobody cares
For cuppas that can't keep 'em keen.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:59 PM
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
Sweden and Denmark two-all
Sealed an Italian fall;
Now Rome's set on spiking
The head of a Viking...
How long 'til the Mob heeds their call?
Sealed an Italian fall;
Now Rome's set on spiking
The head of a Viking...
How long 'til the Mob heeds their call?
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:42 PM
Iranian intelligence caught us
In hot territorial waters,
But our boys remark
They were bound for Iraq...
Let's hope now they're not bound for slaughter.
In hot territorial waters,
But our boys remark
They were bound for Iraq...
Let's hope now they're not bound for slaughter.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:33 AM
Monday, June 21, 2004
The privately-manned SpaceShipOne
Burns laughing-gas fuel to run;
Should cockpit seals cock up
The pilot could crack up
In fits and fly too near the sun.
Burns laughing-gas fuel to run;
Should cockpit seals cock up
The pilot could crack up
In fits and fly too near the sun.
// posted by Jarmo @ 3:47 PM
Saturday, June 19, 2004
The brand new EU constitution
Contains every state's contribution,
But since none will budge
We're left with a fudge
And the same stuffy old institution.
Contains every state's contribution,
But since none will budge
We're left with a fudge
And the same stuffy old institution.
// posted by Jarmo @ 1:57 AM
Friday, June 18, 2004
A Yank out in Saudi, Paul Johnson,
Had an Al Qaeda-cam swan song...
He'd stayed out there longer
Because of the wonga
And now he's off home with no bonce on.
Had an Al Qaeda-cam swan song...
He'd stayed out there longer
Because of the wonga
And now he's off home with no bonce on.
// posted by Jarmo @ 10:01 PM
Thursday, June 17, 2004
On sex, pandas used to pour scorn,
'Til we showed 'em some soft panda porn;
But soon they'll get jaded
And demand degraded
Panda sluts suck muntjac horn.
'Til we showed 'em some soft panda porn;
But soon they'll get jaded
And demand degraded
Panda sluts suck muntjac horn.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:36 PM
England's eighteen-year-old Rooney
Left the pitch over the mooney;
We're cheering today
But the next team we play
Won't scoff Gruyère all afternooney.
Left the pitch over the mooney;
We're cheering today
But the next team we play
Won't scoff Gruyère all afternooney.
// posted by Jarmo @ 10:47 PM
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
When sentencing sickos Judge Selwood
Said, "I think a short prison spell should
More than suffice...
Just note down the sites
You visit most nights - they sound well good!"
Said, "I think a short prison spell should
More than suffice...
Just note down the sites
You visit most nights - they sound well good!"
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:45 PM
Tuesday, June 15, 2004
Tony Blair says he's not deaf
To voters' Iraq/EU pref,
But adds he'll still fight
For what he thinks right...
(He might not have that much time left!)
To voters' Iraq/EU pref,
But adds he'll still fight
For what he thinks right...
(He might not have that much time left!)
// posted by Jarmo @ 4:17 PM
Monday, June 14, 2004
Charges against Fusiliers
If proved will confirm all our fears:
Some "fine British troops"
Are fond of abuse
(Though I dare say not so fond of Piers).
If proved will confirm all our fears:
Some "fine British troops"
Are fond of abuse
(Though I dare say not so fond of Piers).
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:37 PM
Kilroy's rejoicing that he's
One of twelve UKIP Euro MPs...
But will he bash Brussels
And flex British muscles?
"No way - I won't work overseas!"
One of twelve UKIP Euro MPs...
But will he bash Brussels
And flex British muscles?
"No way - I won't work overseas!"
// posted by Jarmo @ 8:00 AM
Sunday, June 13, 2004
England looked all set to win
1-0 in the 89th min,
'Til a free kick to France
Then a penalty chance...
C'est la vie? Non, c'est lui: Zinedine.
1-0 in the 89th min,
'Til a free kick to France
Then a penalty chance...
C'est la vie? Non, c'est lui: Zinedine.
// posted by Jarmo @ 10:16 PM
Saturday, June 12, 2004
Euro 2004
Means we can shout and get sore
At the Germans and French
Without the whole wrench
Of fighting another World War.
Means we can shout and get sore
At the Germans and French
Without the whole wrench
Of fighting another World War.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:02 PM
Friday, June 11, 2004
With wannabe mayors ten-a-penny,
London deemed worthy not many,
But Steve's dream's postponed
'Cos, fat or big-boned,
The bastard just couldn't kill Kenny.
London deemed worthy not many,
But Steve's dream's postponed
'Cos, fat or big-boned,
The bastard just couldn't kill Kenny.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:44 PM
Blair's looking battered and bruised;
Surely he knew if he schmoozed
With a warmong'ring White House
Supporters just might grouse
(Though Brown's never been so amused.)
Surely he knew if he schmoozed
With a warmong'ring White House
Supporters just might grouse
(Though Brown's never been so amused.)
// posted by Jarmo @ 1:13 PM
Thursday, June 10, 2004
They're calling today Super Thursday
Since voters are all having thur say
On who's gonna clear up
(Their bins and in Europe)
And whether they back Tony Blur's way.
Since voters are all having thur say
On who's gonna clear up
(Their bins and in Europe)
And whether they back Tony Blur's way.
// posted by Jarmo @ 1:53 AM
French Président Jacques Chirac
Refused absolument to back
The Bush Iraq statement
On NATO troop placement...
Still sore at that "old Europe" crack?
Refused absolument to back
The Bush Iraq statement
On NATO troop placement...
Still sore at that "old Europe" crack?
// posted by Jarmo @ 12:01 AM
Wednesday, June 09, 2004
An attempt to stem Internet grooming
With one or two officers looming
In chatrooms online
Is doomed by design...
But it might stop the Mail readers fuming.
With one or two officers looming
In chatrooms online
Is doomed by design...
But it might stop the Mail readers fuming.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:50 PM
The press and the police are both digging
Into attempts at poll-rigging;
It seems postal ballots
Tap tamperers talents,
And might let the wrong smarmy pig in.
Into attempts at poll-rigging;
It seems postal ballots
Tap tamperers talents,
And might let the wrong smarmy pig in.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:33 PM
The Health Sec says having a smoke's
The only fun left for poor folks;
Seems he forgot
Sex, sport, telly, pot,
Gambling, beer and rude jokes.
The only fun left for poor folks;
Seems he forgot
Sex, sport, telly, pot,
Gambling, beer and rude jokes.
// posted by Jarmo @ 4:29 PM
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
Today they said we could see Venus
(With special sunglasses to screen us),
But all I could spot
Was a tiny black dot
Like a flea on the head of a penis.
(With special sunglasses to screen us),
But all I could spot
Was a tiny black dot
Like a flea on the head of a penis.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:54 PM
Monday, June 07, 2004
In Saudi a BBC crew's
By terrorists been most abused;
But Cameraman Dead's
Not the story they meant
When they said they'd be making the news.
By terrorists been most abused;
But Cameraman Dead's
Not the story they meant
When they said they'd be making the news.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:56 PM
Sunday, June 06, 2004
President Chirac was late
For a v. important D-Day date,
But had he been early
We'd still think him surly
And rude - it's a national trait.
For a v. important D-Day date,
But had he been early
We'd still think him surly
And rude - it's a national trait.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:54 PM
Saturday, June 05, 2004
They're covering Reagan's demise
As if he'd been bright, bold and wise...
But I see it so, though:
It's bedtime for Bozo,
Whose brain long ago fossilised.
As if he'd been bright, bold and wise...
But I see it so, though:
It's bedtime for Bozo,
Whose brain long ago fossilised.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:50 PM
Friday, June 04, 2004
Bush thought a brush with the Pope
Would capture the Catholic vote,
But that was before
John Paul said his war
Was surely the work of a dope.
Would capture the Catholic vote,
But that was before
John Paul said his war
Was surely the work of a dope.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:32 PM
Thursday, June 03, 2004
Spy boss "resigns to spend time
With his family." Not that old line!
This twat said Iraq
Had a mass-weapon stack...
'Bout as evident as his own spine!
And on the same, just one more rhyme
(Sorry - rich oilfield to mine)...
The tenets of Tenet, it's true,
Let terror successes accrue;
Now he's taking the flak
For a facked-up Iraq:
"That's the pact when you're George No.2."
With his family." Not that old line!
This twat said Iraq
Had a mass-weapon stack...
'Bout as evident as his own spine!
And on the same, just one more rhyme
(Sorry - rich oilfield to mine)...
The tenets of Tenet, it's true,
Let terror successes accrue;
Now he's taking the flak
For a facked-up Iraq:
"That's the pact when you're George No.2."
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:33 PM
Wednesday, June 02, 2004
Howard is stoking the fire
Of fuel protesters' great ire,
But if he donates
All the oil from his face
Then the price needn't rise any higher!
Of fuel protesters' great ire,
But if he donates
All the oil from his face
Then the price needn't rise any higher!
// posted by Jarmo @ 3:07 PM
Tuesday, June 01, 2004
Blair bragged he'd bring out the votes
By bringing us ballots by post,
But mail's all a-dither
And he can't deliver
On what was a second-class boast.
By bringing us ballots by post,
But mail's all a-dither
And he can't deliver
On what was a second-class boast.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:40 PM
