Tuesday, November 30, 2004
"First find an automobile,
Then fix a clamp to the wheel;
Demand silly money
And if they get funny,
Threaten to beat 'em with zeal."
Then fix a clamp to the wheel;
Demand silly money
And if they get funny,
Threaten to beat 'em with zeal."
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:41 PM 
Monday, November 29, 2004
Many a sick allegation
Stemmed from the investigation
Into Deepcut's deaths,
But who'll pay unless
Police secure corroboration?
Stemmed from the investigation
Into Deepcut's deaths,
But who'll pay unless
Police secure corroboration?
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:40 PM
Sunday, November 28, 2004
Did Blunkett, to help his bird's cleaner,
Pull rank in the public arena?
He claims it's all lies...
"Look into my eyes:
I swear that I've not even seen her!"
Pull rank in the public arena?
He claims it's all lies...
"Look into my eyes:
I swear that I've not even seen her!"
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:13 PM
Friday, November 26, 2004
Hodge thinks the state should be nanny
In life's every wee nook and cranny,
But this mad madame
Should pack up her pram
And meddle with nowt but her fanny.
In life's every wee nook and cranny,
But this mad madame
Should pack up her pram
And meddle with nowt but her fanny.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:28 PM
Thursday, November 25, 2004
A PM with pious morality
Lambasts all drugs illegality,
But Blair don't need smack
Or cocaine or crack...
He's already far from reality.
Lambasts all drugs illegality,
But Blair don't need smack
Or cocaine or crack...
He's already far from reality.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:55 AM
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
Boris and Freddy Forsyth
Say that Blair lied (and they're right),
But thinking they'll teach him
By trying to impeach him
Sadly, like them, just seems trite.
Say that Blair lied (and they're right),
But thinking they'll teach him
By trying to impeach him
Sadly, like them, just seems trite.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:30 PM
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
Ozzy, the self-styled Dark Prince,
Claims UK crimes make him wince,
And yet this concern is
About just his earnings...
Not turning bats into mince.
Claims UK crimes make him wince,
And yet this concern is
About just his earnings...
Not turning bats into mince.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:01 PM
Monday, November 22, 2004
Democrats out in Ukraine
Said no to Russia (again),
And though many dare
To stand in the square,
It might mean they're easily slain.
Said no to Russia (again),
And though many dare
To stand in the square,
It might mean they're easily slain.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:54 PM
Saturday, November 20, 2004
A hearty old fella named Hale
Ate honey each day without fail;
Was it 'cos of the bee
That he reached one-one-three,
Or just that life's buzz ne'er went stale?
Ate honey each day without fail;
Was it 'cos of the bee
That he reached one-one-three,
Or just that life's buzz ne'er went stale?
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:49 PM
Friday, November 19, 2004
Huntsmen say they'll disobey
All laws that stand in their way...
But turn back the clock:
The same folk said lock
Left-wing protesters away.
All laws that stand in their way...
But turn back the clock:
The same folk said lock
Left-wing protesters away.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:14 PM
Thursday, November 18, 2004
Britain most truly extends
Welcome to all our French friends...
We loathe all your views,
But love your cheap booze,
So who cares if Tony pretends?
Welcome to all our French friends...
We loathe all your views,
But love your cheap booze,
So who cares if Tony pretends?
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:37 PM
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
Single mums don't find much mirth
In systems that failed from birth...
The millions Smith spent
Could've paid all their rent
From now 'til the end of the Earth.
In systems that failed from birth...
The millions Smith spent
Could've paid all their rent
From now 'til the end of the Earth.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:19 PM
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
Smoking is choking us, damn it!
That's why the Gov's gonna ban it...
So where are the laws
To stop four-by-fours
And folks who are choking the planet?
That's why the Gov's gonna ban it...
So where are the laws
To stop four-by-fours
And folks who are choking the planet?
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:46 PM
Monday, November 15, 2004
Cultured Republican, Colin,
Fell foul of colleagues' cajolin'...
They forced out the dove,
'Cos most of 'em love
Seein' the tanks keep on rollin'.
Fell foul of colleagues' cajolin'...
They forced out the dove,
'Cos most of 'em love
Seein' the tanks keep on rollin'.
// posted by Jarmo @ 9:14 PM
Saturday, November 13, 2004
A tough Tory leader called Mike
Told Boris to get on his bike,
To which he replied,
"The one that I ride?
Great - she knows just what I like!"
Told Boris to get on his bike,
To which he replied,
"The one that I ride?
Great - she knows just what I like!"
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:44 PM
Dick had another heart scare,
And now his doctors declare
His ticker (this time)
Is perfectly fine...
Damn! Life is just so unfair!
And now his doctors declare
His ticker (this time)
Is perfectly fine...
Damn! Life is just so unfair!
// posted by Jarmo @ 10:54 PM
Friday, November 12, 2004
In Bury they're burying John,
With many to mourn that he's gone,
Yet what divine joke
Permits Peel to croak
But lets Noel Edmonds live on?
With many to mourn that he's gone,
Yet what divine joke
Permits Peel to croak
But lets Noel Edmonds live on?
// posted by Jarmo @ 5:12 PM
Thursday, November 11, 2004
Arafat always desired
Arab lands be reacquired,
But was he the bearer
Of all Israel's terror?
They'll find out, now he's expired.
Arab lands be reacquired,
But was he the bearer
Of all Israel's terror?
They'll find out, now he's expired.
// posted by Jarmo @ 1:48 PM
Britain has stopped buying Bird's:
I blame the poncey-food nerds...
Cinnamon-dusted?
Pah! Give us custard -
With starters and seconds and thirds!
I blame the poncey-food nerds...
Cinnamon-dusted?
Pah! Give us custard -
With starters and seconds and thirds!
// posted by Jarmo @ 9:56 AM
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
Ashcroft, the Christian right's dream,
Spouts bile that most find obscene,
So let's praise the Lord
He's spurned the reward
Of more time on George Bush's team.
Spouts bile that most find obscene,
So let's praise the Lord
He's spurned the reward
Of more time on George Bush's team.
// posted by Jarmo @ 1:22 AM
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
Film-maker Theo Van Gogh
Felt free to censure and scoff
At Islam's oppression
Of female expression...
Until, that is, they bumped him off.
Felt free to censure and scoff
At Islam's oppression
Of female expression...
Until, that is, they bumped him off.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:56 PM
Crazy Horse wasn't insane;
He just had that ball on the brain,
And though fans intone
"You'll Ne'er Walk Alone",
The fact is he'll ne'er walk again.
He just had that ball on the brain,
And though fans intone
"You'll Ne'er Walk Alone",
The fact is he'll ne'er walk again.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:40 PM
Monday, November 08, 2004
Dubya, appointed anew,
Has ordered Iraq War Part II;
'Mid cries of "How could ya?"
He'll flatten Fallujah
And bid any peace hopes adieu.
Has ordered Iraq War Part II;
'Mid cries of "How could ya?"
He'll flatten Fallujah
And bid any peace hopes adieu.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:32 PM
Saturday, November 06, 2004
Today visit Stonehenge for free,
Thanks to the National Lott'ry...
But why must we pay
Ev'ry other day
For what belongs to you and me?
Thanks to the National Lott'ry...
But why must we pay
Ev'ry other day
For what belongs to you and me?
// posted by Jarmo @ 5:56 PM
Friday, November 05, 2004
Yanks, against British advice,
Use force without thinking twice...
Yet Brits' friendly banter
And soft Tam o'Shanter
Don't mean we won't pay the price.
Use force without thinking twice...
Yet Brits' friendly banter
And soft Tam o'Shanter
Don't mean we won't pay the price.
// posted by Jarmo @ 1:52 PM
Thursday, November 04, 2004
Is Yasser Arafat dead?
Or in a coma instead?
He's washed up, for sure...
Though he'll dry no more
With that tea-towel on his head.
Or in a coma instead?
He's washed up, for sure...
Though he'll dry no more
With that tea-towel on his head.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:19 PM
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
W's won four more years,
Playing on hatred and fears,
'Cos plenty of Yanks
Prefer guns and tanks
To liberals and A-rabs and queers.
Playing on hatred and fears,
'Cos plenty of Yanks
Prefer guns and tanks
To liberals and A-rabs and queers.
// posted by Jarmo @ 10:47 PM
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
America's off to the polls,
Democracy though's full of holes:
Whoever gets in
Will win 'cos of spin
(But if it's George Bush, save our souls!)
Democracy though's full of holes:
Whoever gets in
Will win 'cos of spin
(But if it's George Bush, save our souls!)
// posted by Jarmo @ 2:02 AM
Monday, November 01, 2004
While BP is making a killing,
Its staff's after something more thrilling...
Their business is crude,
And they're in the mood
For extra exploratory drilling.
Its staff's after something more thrilling...
Their business is crude,
And they're in the mood
For extra exploratory drilling.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:09 AM
