Sunday, December 26, 2004
A smug snow-and-ice-hating Brit
Scoffed that our weather was shit
And bragged that he'd take
An Xmas beach break...
'Til today's big breakers hit.
Scoffed that our weather was shit
And bragged that he'd take
An Xmas beach break...
'Til today's big breakers hit.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:04 PM 
Friday, December 24, 2004
The Government's told us to stash
Or recycle our Christmas trash,
But Blair's not so keen
To make firms go green...
But then, all their gifts are in cash.
Or recycle our Christmas trash,
But Blair's not so keen
To make firms go green...
But then, all their gifts are in cash.
// posted by Jarmo @ 5:20 PM
Thursday, December 23, 2004
In London a loon with a knife
Maimed four and finished a life
But had Tony Blair
Found funding for care
He'd not've been free to spread strife.
Maimed four and finished a life
But had Tony Blair
Found funding for care
He'd not've been free to spread strife.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:51 PM
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
Self-professed peacemaker Blair's
Out to end Mid-East despairs,
But statesmanlike schmooze
With Arabs and Jews
Won't spin away home affairs.
Out to end Mid-East despairs,
But statesmanlike schmooze
With Arabs and Jews
Won't spin away home affairs.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:46 PM
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
A posse of play-bashing Sikhs
Have forced a decision that reeks,
So I say let's preach
For freedom of speech -
And fuck fundamentalist cliques!
Have forced a decision that reeks,
So I say let's preach
For freedom of speech -
And fuck fundamentalist cliques!
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:31 AM
Monday, December 20, 2004
Dear parent, husband or wife,
I'm writing about [name here]'s life;
I'm sad to impart,
With genuine heart,
They died by [ring] bullet/bomb/knife.
I'm writing about [name here]'s life;
I'm sad to impart,
With genuine heart,
They died by [ring] bullet/bomb/knife.
// posted by Jarmo @ 1:39 PM
Sunday, December 19, 2004
The Government says information
Should all be revealed to the nation...
Except that which, freed,
Might possibly lead
To ministers' own condemnation.
Should all be revealed to the nation...
Except that which, freed,
Might possibly lead
To ministers' own condemnation.
// posted by Jarmo @ 10:03 AM
Saturday, December 18, 2004
One poorly-paid Queen's-aide geezer
Didn't believe he'd displease her
By selling a pud,
But he misunderstood
She's actually Queen Ebenezer.
Didn't believe he'd displease her
By selling a pud,
But he misunderstood
She's actually Queen Ebenezer.
// posted by Jarmo @ 10:06 AM
Friday, December 17, 2004
How strange that the Home Office Grinch
Wants to stop your Christmas binge,
When drunks on the beers
Are witch Hazel Blears'
Only hope of a quick clinch!
Wants to stop your Christmas binge,
When drunks on the beers
Are witch Hazel Blears'
Only hope of a quick clinch!
// posted by Jarmo @ 10:28 AM
Thursday, December 16, 2004
Locking up folks without trial
Certainly fit Blunkett's style,
But Dave's out the door,
So it's Chaz v The Law...
I'll wager he's equally vile.
Certainly fit Blunkett's style,
But Dave's out the door,
So it's Chaz v The Law...
I'll wager he's equally vile.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:10 PM
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
It's not just an ex-lovers' ruck
That's left Blunkett all out of luck;
What's prompted his slide
Is that the man lied
And dissed all his colleagues - dumb fuck!
That's left Blunkett all out of luck;
What's prompted his slide
Is that the man lied
And dissed all his colleagues - dumb fuck!
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:20 PM
A cross-dressing midget, Jeanette,
Fell off a beanstalk on set,
Screaming "Fandabbydozy,
I've fucked up me nosey!
Where was the damn safety net?"
Fell off a beanstalk on set,
Screaming "Fandabbydozy,
I've fucked up me nosey!
Where was the damn safety net?"
// posted by Jarmo @ 5:59 PM
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
Palestine's Mahmoud Abbas
Says folks should give peace a chance
And fight occupation
With mere conversation...
Shame he can't speak for Hamas.
Says folks should give peace a chance
And fight occupation
With mere conversation...
Shame he can't speak for Hamas.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:58 PM
Monday, December 13, 2004
Victoria Beckham as Mary
Seemed to some folks quite contrary,
But violent attacks
On lumps of old wax?
Who says that Christians aren't scary?
Seemed to some folks quite contrary,
But violent attacks
On lumps of old wax?
Who says that Christians aren't scary?
// posted by Jarmo @ 5:53 PM
Sunday, December 12, 2004
Advice for all horny pre-teens:
When you think you know what Miss means
Then stick up your hand,
But please leave your gland
Firmly zipped up in your jeans.
When you think you know what Miss means
Then stick up your hand,
But please leave your gland
Firmly zipped up in your jeans.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:50 PM
Saturday, December 11, 2004
Murphy-O'Connor's decried
Waxworks he just can't abide...
"Our Lord would be shocked,"
Says a bloke in a frock
Who swept child abuse raps aside.
Waxworks he just can't abide...
"Our Lord would be shocked,"
Says a bloke in a frock
Who swept child abuse raps aside.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:13 PM
Thursday, December 09, 2004
Butler's clear Blair's only thought
Is how to ensure his spin's bought,
So ain't it a shame
He freed him from blame
Back when he wrote his report.
Is how to ensure his spin's bought,
So ain't it a shame
He freed him from blame
Back when he wrote his report.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:56 AM
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
An NI deal most thought historic
Made progress to peace meteoric,
But since one Right Reverend
Remains quite malevolent,
Nobody's feeling euphoric.
Made progress to peace meteoric,
But since one Right Reverend
Remains quite malevolent,
Nobody's feeling euphoric.
// posted by Jarmo @ 6:35 PM
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
Thompson, the Beeb's new DG
Must fight to keep its licence fee,
But is all his cutt'n'
Down really to Hutton?
And can he save true quali-tee?
Must fight to keep its licence fee,
But is all his cutt'n'
Down really to Hutton?
And can he save true quali-tee?
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:56 PM
Brits must stop trawling for fish
Or stocks won't merely dimin-ish:
We can all say ta-ta
To the pub shellfish bar
And our favourite fish 'n' chip dish.
Or stocks won't merely dimin-ish:
We can all say ta-ta
To the pub shellfish bar
And our favourite fish 'n' chip dish.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:36 AM
Monday, December 06, 2004
Docs have been warned of the ills
Of dishing out too many pills
To deal with the blues,
But they've got few clues
On curing the folks that life kills.
Of dishing out too many pills
To deal with the blues,
But they've got few clues
On curing the folks that life kills.
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:30 PM
Sunday, December 05, 2004
Kilroy, the xenophobes' man,
Fell foul of a protestor's plan:
The sad twat got hit
By a bucket of shit...
At least he can save on fake tan!
Fell foul of a protestor's plan:
The sad twat got hit
By a bucket of shit...
At least he can save on fake tan!
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:42 AM
Saturday, December 04, 2004
"Maggie" by Stone - who'll the star be?
Meryl? Then Oliver's barmy!
For the Lady of Iron
He oughta be hirin'
A true kindred sprit like Arnie!
Meryl? Then Oliver's barmy!
For the Lady of Iron
He oughta be hirin'
A true kindred sprit like Arnie!
// posted by Jarmo @ 6:44 PM
The victory of Ukraine's protestors
Has here in the West quite impressed us,
But though a fresh poll
Might give them control
The wound in their country still festers.
Has here in the West quite impressed us,
But though a fresh poll
Might give them control
The wound in their country still festers.
// posted by Jarmo @ 1:19 AM
Friday, December 03, 2004
Blunkett's ex-lover called Kim
Admits the Home Sec stuck it in,
But did his man-lava
Make him her kid's father?
"No – the blind berk missed my quim!"
Admits the Home Sec stuck it in,
But did his man-lava
Make him her kid's father?
"No – the blind berk missed my quim!"
// posted by Jarmo @ 8:52 PM
Thursday, December 02, 2004
An MP the Telegraph panned
Has won a cool one-fifty grand;
He said, "Judge, I'm touched,
I've not made that much
Since last time I met with Saddam."
Has won a cool one-fifty grand;
He said, "Judge, I'm touched,
I've not made that much
Since last time I met with Saddam."
// posted by Jarmo @ 11:31 PM
"Sell-out pop wannabes lack
Talent to keep 'em on track,"
...Says music biz whore
Who found fame with SAW -
Talk about pot, kettle, black!
Talent to keep 'em on track,"
...Says music biz whore
Who found fame with SAW -
Talk about pot, kettle, black!
// posted by Jarmo @ 9:27 PM
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
Whenever your mum or your dad
Says 'Santa knows when you've been bad',
It spurs better behaviour
Than faith in a saviour –
Of course! There are gifts to be had!
Says 'Santa knows when you've been bad',
It spurs better behaviour
Than faith in a saviour –
Of course! There are gifts to be had!
// posted by Jarmo @ 9:54 PM
