Lame lapdog Labour MPs
Let the Gov do as they please
Without thoughtful pause
For liberty's cause...
Since none dare bring Blair to his knees.

Doctors have made the Pope well;
What'll he say? Who can tell...
Though performing deep throat
On an unconscious Pope
Should surely condemn them to hell!

This wedding the Queen won’t endorse:
Not ’cos of Camilla’s divorce,
But ’cos it’s not natural
To see a contractual
Bond between turnip and horse.

Hunter, a drug-head historically,
Took his last trip, categorically:
Letting go of the reins,
He's now blown his brains
Literally and metaphorically.

To the tune of "My Favourite Things"...

Barbecue chicken and Tex Mex for dippin',
Sausage 'n' mash, Asda's own corned beef hash,
Pork 'n' rice, cottage pies, fried chinese wings,
Some of your favourite food flavourings...

Meatballs with pasta can lead to disaster,
Waitrose's pizza can kill one who eats her;
Ready meals racked up in cellophane wrap
Could give you cancer, so stop eating crap...

Sweep the shelves clear!
Quell the folks' fear!
Forget Sudan-1!
Now why go and panic and switch to organic
When factory food's such fun?

"In Buck 'ouse I 'ave a right larf, me,
Pretendin' to be workin' class, see,
But I doff me old crahn
When cuz Mike's bint's in tahn,
To 'ear 'er effortless Nazi!"

Much of the countryside scoffs
The hunt can't be stopped by the cops,
But townies like me
Just can't wait to see
Cuffs on the bloodthirsty toffs.

A protocol penned in Kyoto
Didn't get all countries' vote, oh,
But they might change positions
On carbon emissions
Once half their lands are afloat, oh.

After a bash Ken got arsey
And called a reporter a Nazi;
Now opponents, the news
And some high-ranking Jews
Want to flush his career down the khazi.

A horse-faced old cow called Camilla
Has long had Prince Charlie to thrill her,
But they couldn't wed
Until Di was dead,
Which may be why they had to kill her.

Or...

Camilla ne'er gave up her hunt
To bag her a right Royal runt;
'Cos he gave her a damp-on
Saying he'd be her tampon...
Quite apt for a clod, stuck-up cunt!

Crowds cramming into IKEA
Surged to be first to buy gear,
But you'll get no flat-pack
When you're flat on your back
Screaming, "Don't let me die here!"

Sailor girl Ellen MacArthur
Couldn't go very much farther:
The record, the fame,
Becoming a dame...
And free DIY shit hereafter!

Campbell's a straight-talking guy,
Never abusive or sly;
He shies from all spats,
Won't call the Beeb "twats"...
And pigs not on posters might fly!

A handshake across the divide
Might signal the turn of the tide;
But will Mid-East trust
Bloom brightly or bust?
No talk, please, just yet of 'great stride'...

New Sec of State Condoleezza
Wants all of Europe to please her
By backing her push
To bolster George Bush...
This bird's got more balls than a geezer.

Bush vows he'll end global tyranny:
"Who cares that all the world's fearin' me!
Man, it sure it pays ya,
To keep bombin' Asia,
'Cos all my own voters are cheerin' me!"

Veritas (Latin for "truth")
Kilroy says won't be aloof...
'Cos they'll take their views
From Daily Mail news,
And speak for the thick and uncouth.

Though devout Catholics mope
Over an ailing Pope,
This heretic reckons
That John Paul the Second's
Stuffed, and controlled by a rope.