JUNK FOOD JUNKIE
by
Jarmo
Can of Coke 'n' a smoke, then it's time to Hit the Hut.
His stubby, sticky fingers strike the digits on the dial,
As his ever-sizzling stomach starts to bubble up with bile...
"Pizza Hut. Nicola Speaking. Take your order, please?"
"Yeah, two large Meatfeasts, Diet Coke, six garlic bread with cheese.
Tell yer moped driver that it's number twenty-three,
I'll be lying on the sofa flicking through me Sky TV.
Ask him if he'll come on in and plonk it on me knee:
He's over here so often that I've given him a key."
As he slammed down the handset he shambled in a trice
To the fridge - no roughage, just leftover egg fried rice.
But he couldn't wait to heat it as his hunger took a hold,
So he tipped it down his gullet from the tin-foil carton, cold.
Appetite unsated, he reached inside a drawer,
Pulled out some Cheesy Wotsits and stuffed himself some more.
Half an hour later, with his pizza half-digested,
He ventured for a stroll "before me colon gets congested".
"I'll walk up to McDonald's, coz it's such a lovely day -
And also coz I pass Abrakebabra on the way."
So with chilli sauce still slipping down his pustule-peppered chin,
He bobbed up to the burger bar and boldly bounded in.
Seven Big Macs later, he was dying for a snack:
"McNuggets - extra large - and, what the hell, one more Big Mac!"
His saturated stomach couldn't stretch for all the slop,
And his overworked intestine pinched as if about to pop.
So he swilled the whole lot down with Coca-cola and a shake,
Freeing up sufficient space for a McFlurry with a Flake.
While waddling back homewards, he thought to himself, "Fuck it -
I might as well stop off for a Kentucky Bargain Bucket."
But Colonel Sanders' secret blend, it proved our man's undoing:
That splash of salmonella had him up all night long pooing.
Yet by dawn his diarrhoea seemed a dim and distant worry:
"Now that lot's all come out, I've got a craving for a curry."
(c) Jarmo, 2003 - www.headpaste.com
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